Sick

I haven't felt good today. I left work about an hour early, and slept for the majority of today. Then I watched Jesus Christ Superstar about 2 times, so it wasn't a total loss.

Christmas.

Well, it was alright. I got a camcorder and various other things. I also got some really stupid gifts, like Hannah Montana hand soap (it's even pink with glitter) as a joke from Kendra, and a can opener. I open a lot of cans so that was nice.

Sweet Dee and Toffee.

MY NEW RATS! They are grey haired dumbo's, about 8 weeks old. More later.

She Passed

Columbia died last night. I can't really describe how sad I am right now. Yesterday she was barely moving at all, and today I woke up to my mother telling me she is dead.

I only had her for two weeks, and I know the fault of her passing is not mine, but regardless, I wish it hadn't happened.

I hope to be getting some new rats within the next couple days. I wish to get two girls, so that we won;t have a bunch of babies running about.

I am excited for new ratties, but It does not change how amazing Columbia was while she was here. I miss you.

So... Grease.

We are unfortunately doing Grease. The utter disappointment that now lingers in my heart I hope will go away by the time auditions roll around. The reason I am so disappointed is that there is a cornucopia of amazing shows, and musicals that we could have chosen. Wonderfully tragic and touching dramas, hilarious musicals, groundbreaking artsy shows, and Grease is none of those things. It's just Grease. EVERY high school does Grease, and its always the same. I am filled with Atomic Adolescent Angst.

I guess I have to figure out who I'm trying out for. I think Sandy is within reach. I would love to break out of my supporting role box, although that is where I can really get creative with a role, but I want to make Sandy awesome, and I think I'm up for it. Otherwise of course, Rizzo is an option I can not turn away from. Several reasons being: I relate to her so much, her songs are way better than Sandy, and I could stop the show with that role. Then again, if I get that part, I may be locked in the supporting role box for all eternity! Thats alright too I guess.

Correction

I got my cd. Have yet to listen to it, but I got it. Correction again. I listened to some of it, and all of it that I listened to was great. If you got that, you deserve a cookie. I almost cried with joy when I received it. Annoyingly though, the day I get Zombie Prom, we decide to do grease for the next show.

Tis the Season.

Now before I start my swanking about nothing might I just state that I am a hot mess right now. I am sweaty from dancing my ass off, and I am wearing a tank top with my "CRAZY GOOD" pop tarts hat. I am a sexy beast and I know you want me. Oh, I am the hot kind of sweaty in case you were pondering that.

Christmas time is here... la la la la la...I got done most of my shopping, and am pretty proud of my purchases. I also really want to make a kick ass music video right now. I can't though because I don't have my camera yet... god damn it.

I would also like to say that I miss that boy I now fancy... I miss his wonderfully attractive face more than I have ever missed anyone. Oh well, the play is starting soon so... YAY.

I would also like to say that my fucking zombie prom cd has not yet arrived, and being home sick and crippled is not fun without a new musical and it makes me very upset indeed to not have my cd!

IDEA

I'm thinking about what I am going to do when I get my camera. I want to make some funny little youtube videos with my friends cause you know... thats just a must.

My idea though, is to make a documentary on putting on a high school production. Its a very interesting process, and I figure its an overall good idea. The cast could have the dvd's to look back on the actual show and fun times we had, and other people can view the dvd and know what actually goes into putting on a musical.

I want to be pretty politically correct in making this, but since theatre is never just gumdrops and butterflies, I want to keep true to what actually happens. What I mean by this is, When some cast members are taking the drama off the stage, I want to capture the emotions of the whole thing, and how it impacts the show without causing major problems, or appearing bias towards one side or the other.

I am thinking of putting a lot of my personal thoughts into the documentary throughout the show, not to Bogart the video, but to give my opinions and hopes and dreams and such in private. I also want other people to give their personal thoughts. This aspect would add a lot of heart to the movie, and show people that the actors and techies are not just robots, they have opinions on what goes on in the show and we aren't always happy about what the director/stage manager tell us to do.

Of course, we do have A LOT of fun backstage despite all of the cattyness and all the tears. I want to put a bunch of clips of us fooling around and make it known that we have a really good time. I will try and make a bloopers section, as well as a Reed section.

A few big things about the movie are getting a decent history of Masque in there that won't bore people. No one ever really takes the time to sit back and think about how much we grow during a show. A cast and crew are so bust getting everything perfect we never think about how bad we used to be at "scene 4" or, "lighting cue 14" and I want my video to really show everyone involved, and not involved, how far we can go in a few short weeks. The last really big thing to show in the movie is how much we love each other, and how much we love theatre. In Guys and Dolls, so many different kinds of people who any science person would say "could never get along" really came together for the show, and ended up loving and appreciating one another. It's an amazing thing to see and catching that on tape (mini dv sorry) would be spectacular.

SNOW

We had a snow day today, and because of it, I feel unbelievably lazy. I honestly don't know what the hell to do with myself. I was going to make a nice little blog post but now, I am too lazy to even do that.

Tired and I don't know why.

So, I am very tired. Excuse me if this post lacks much much cleverness as I slept very little last night. I was tossing and turning, probably cause I didn't take my usual benadryl before bed. It usually knocks me out. I was thinking about Christmas vacation, and the fun that will be, the next play, and many other random occurances in my life.

Now that I think about it, is it discriminatory to say that the week or so we get off of school is officially called Christmas vacation? It seems to me that saying Merry Christmas has become almost like a sin in todays world, because there is a small percentage of people that do not celebrate that holiday. Honestly I don't know what they are bitching about because if someone said happy Quanza (sp?) to me I would not be offended in the least.

I set my phone to a London time zone and it has not yet failed to confuse me completely. My rat has also not failed to piss me off this week, but I love her though.

I have a new crush, and I he has appeared in my daydreams occasionally over the past few days which is a nice change on me lately, despite the way I appear my romantic feelings have bordered on A-sexual. I think having crushes in most cases are good for a person. They can get bad say... the person decides they are in love with their crush and become obsessed, and that never ends well. I like fancying someone but if it doesn't work out, or nothing comes of it, I won't get my heart broken. It's best to keep things light before you are in a relationship with someone that way you don't risk coming on too strong, or creeping someone out. I basically stop at harmless flirting. That can be a good thing or a bad thing because if it turns out he's into me, my flirting might not be enough to let him know that I like him and therefore he is afraid to make any sort of move, and in turn I can't make a move because I also don't know he's into me.

I HATE DATING. Its a science that I just don't care to and don't study. Then again, if I don't study my dreams of having that lifelong friend and honest companion will drift away into the abyss... just like my childhood.
wow. thats depressing.

bubbles! that always cheers me up!

Potty Training Columbia

I decided today to try and bond a bit more with my rattie. I picked her up and played with her a while before putting her in her ball. I was wearing winter gloves, so that if she bit me, I wouldn't react and she would get the picture that biting me does nothing. She did not get aggressive so thats pretty good. I was cleaning her cage when I thought up the idea of potty training her. I found out from my internet searches that rats can potty train very easily, all you have to do is put their "raisins" in what you want their potty to be, and fill the potty with different bedding than the rest of her cage. I also put some jelly and applesauce in her food dish along with the regular pellets because all she really wants to eat are carrots, and I want those to be her trust training treat. I am finding Columbia to be a very loyal friend and I love her already. Its really not hard.

Calm Waters.

I feel that life at the moment is pretty calm right now. I am saying this as I am eating a warm bowl of a new recipe I am trying for beet soup, listening to my new friend snoring upstairs (this is the rat btw), and enjoying the brief interlude, that I usually despise with every part of my body and soul, between shows. I also just found out that I have my first blog follower. Hi to you if you are reading this, and whatever the reason you decided to follow my blog here's hoping its cause I'm interesting and awesome.

Robyn and I have a project I am much excited for. We are painting a small section of her room with black chalkboard paint. Best friends need DIY projects to look back on, and make fun of their horrible mistakes. (I hope our DIY day will lack those, but knowing me...) This reminds me that I have to go online and look up some other DIY things to make our day complete.

The MASQUE meeting where we are supposed to be discussing and voting on a play for the next semester is wednesday, and I have mixed feelings about it. The show I really want to do is Zombie Prom... Awesome video shown here:

Other people want to do Grease but that is just wayyyyy too overdone for my tastes, plus Zombie prom is awesome!

Columbia ARRIVES!

I got my new friend today. She is a 5 month old dumbo rat. She's very cute, and tan, and very paranoid about her new surroundings. She spent last night chewing on some wood, hatching and escape plan and making other various noises that I could only guess what kind of havoc she was causing.

Its been a while.

I haven't really done a real post in a long while, so why the fuck not do one right now? To make life more entertaining, I will number my updates.

1. I was fucking awesome in the show. Not only is it me that has that particular view on the matter, but thats what I have been told by everyone I speak to... or, some variation of the like. Doing the show was great fun as we were able to pull it together in the end as I had mostly thought we could do. Despite bad blocking, and line learning, and even not finishing dress rehearsal, the show went off swimmingly. Gabe was adorable, Vanja was hot, Miranda was hotter, Julian (little) didn't piss me off all that much, Julian (big) was astounded and probably humbled by my utter sexiness, my bitches stayed on cue, and most importantly Kendra stayed out of my way. O yeah, my costume change where I get totally stripped backstage where all could see did not offend.

2. Robyn and I have been having great fun with our silliness and games. The puzzle (this is not a game!!!...yeah robyn it is), Chicago (What is this Carl? I did not ask for muted jazz tones!), Anastasia and spending about 45 minutes fixing the VHS (I really want to watch the little rascals!), Flotsam and Jetsam (aka ben and joe, GABE, and Miranda being beaten by her future husband (stop being so whimsical!!)

3. VIDEOS::: I have spent a lot of time on youtube and discovered some truly hilarious and wonderful things.I learned a lot from this man, you better pay attention. Here is another wondrous Monty Python Flying Circus clip
And now for a few words from the white kids:

3.I need a vcr, and I am also tired of typing. More later!!

Oh wonderous play!

So... the play went amazing!!! The Audience LOVED me I have to say. Also, I found this video...
all this makes my life quite pleasurable at the moment.

Totally Stressed

I have no way to describe how stressed out I truly am, so I will not try.

WHY!

Why did I make this post I ask?

A long time comin'

I haven't posted in a while, and I thought that now, as I am waiting for an episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" was loading on another tab, it was a good time to fill in those of you who have been waiting for my posts.

First off, play practice is getting better. I am enjoying my popularity, and also my wonderful role, but not Kathy's neo-nazi way of running rehearsal. Without the office, I am sad. There is not end to my sadness when I am kicked out of that place for no viable reason.

Things with Coti and I are also getting better. We were on the phone the other day for over and hour and a half. He's trusting me more and more, and I am beginning to forgive him. If we can keep this friendship up, some of the wounds may be healed once and for all. That would be great for me.

Oh my goodness, Simbad is on Sunny. Wow. I honestly do not know how I lived before that show man. Robyn and I have become so god damn funny from watching it, you know with being wittier than hell, and the other things we do.

I also enjoy french onion dip a great deal.

I jinxed myself

I guess my getting better post came a little soon. Yesterday was not only my highly anticipated freshman corruption day, it was also the day I was visited with the fairy of womanhood so I had cramps on this joyous occasion. The freshman pooped out on us, mostly because of the poop that little julian pushed out of that sassy mouth of his. Fiona, Robyn, Miranda and I spent an exciting day in Burlington without those god damn boys. We went to Applebees, shopping and scaring the shit out of Fiona when Robyn asked what time it was. I said 1:16 and she pulled over and we all started screaming to get out the car, we accomplished an old fashioned Chinese fire drill, with me taking the wheel and Fiona flipping out even more. Glorious a time that was. Anyways, bad things began when I was frightened by a certain football player... you know who you are, and the sudden startle gave me an asthma attack. It took a while but the inhaler kicked in and I thought the worst was over. My attack came back 15 minutes or so later with full force, and the inhaler was not working. Robyn pushed me to agree to go to the ER, and Kathy called 911 and my parents were called as well. Kathy knew enough about me to fill in the people that came with the ambulance, so thankfully I didn't have to talk, because when you can't breathe talking is a challenge. Robyn followed the ambulance with my stuff, and my dad met us there. The ambulance as wicked bumpy, and I was on oxygen but thankfully not too scared. The doctor said I had bronchitis, but I think hes wrong even though my throat hurts like hell, and that bothers me because I got "In the Heights" and not singing along with the new songs is killing me.

Getting Better

I am getting a lot better. For once, I am happy with myself and the way my life is going. I do not need a man to make me happy as I once thought. I needed to make myself happy before I tried to be happy with someone else. Any relationship I have right now can only end well because of the way I feel today. Enough with the happiness and smiles though, I have to go to school soon, and I'm really cold and tired. I don't like being cold. Not at all.

My Wig

I got a wig for guys and dolls. Its wonderful. Also, practice yesterday was fun. I was humped, I haven't been humped in a couple months... it was nice. Thats all I have to say.

MEN

1. Nice men are ugly.

2. Handsome men are not nice.

3. Men who are both nice and handsome are gay.

4. Men who are handsome, nice, and heterosexual are

married.

5. Men who are not so handsome, but are

nice men, have no money.

6. Men who are not so handsome, but are

nice men with money think we are only after their

money.

7. Handsome men without money are after

our money.

8. Handsome men, who are not so nice and

are somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are

beautiful enough.

9. Men who think we are beautiful, that

are heterosexual, somewhat nice and somewhat

handsome,

and have money, are cowards.

10. Men who are somewhat handsome,

somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are

heterosexual,are shy and

NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!!

11. Men who never make the first move,

automatically lose interest in us when we take the

initiative.

AND THEY SAY WOMEN ARE HARD TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!

Belly Buttons and Freshman

I am excited for a Friday night in, and I plan on sleeping for a lot of it. The new combination of anti depressants, anti anxiety, and sleeping medications are throwing me for a loop. Sometimes I wish doctors did more with chemistry, because I take 14 pills a night, and the effect they have together must be harder to figure out than rocket science. I am also really excited about this outing corrupting the freshman boys in Guys and Dolls. On this outing I intend to be the worst influence possible, and have fun doing it. I am also currently trying to convince my mom to let me get my belly button pierced. I want to get something pierced, and my nose has a lot of issues, and all other things freak me out. I want to get my eyebrow pierced someday, and I would also like to get a tattoo. Anyways , Robyn is getting her nose done on freshman corruption day and I hope to get consent from my mother. Leading these boys into a tattoo parlor is going to be hilarious, because at first they won't know whats going on. Miranda will also b a laugh because shes a skittish person when it comes to needles and sterility.

Take Back Your Crack...

Robyn got a blog. This made me think I am not a total looser for having a blog... her blog address is something about crack. What? you want me to say crack again?? CRACK.

He Hath Been Deleted

I don't like the idea of Coti and I being friends on facebook since he treats me like shit in real life. Plus, giving him the option of checking up on me via facebook is something I do not want him doing. It does not matter if he does it or not. So... there it is.

Tuna

I am in my tye dye longjohn onesie eating tuna and watching a documentary on hippies... life be good.

OH MY

So... I am currently typing in unsafe conditions. I did not sleep at all last night. Robyn Miranda and I pulled an all nighter. WE WERE NOT DRINKING WE WERE NOT ON DRUGS OR EVEN MORE THAN 8OZ OF SODA, but we still felt compelled to do it. Miranda the expected poop, pooped less than expected having only slept for an hour, Robyn slept for 20 minutes the next morning while we were watching nanny 911, and I won sleeping for less than 5 minutes at a time in the office betwixt the hours of 1:30 and 2:30...ok thats only one hour. DO YOU REALIZE HOW DANGEROUS TYPING WHEN YOU DID NOT SLEEP IS? I AM OVERUSING THE CAPS!!!

Drama drama drama today at practice. I'll talk about it later. The notable happening of today is how the football tribe made me feel like I'm not a piece of shit, and offered to sort of "kick ass" on my part. It started when I was nagging Coti about giving me my stuff back. Vajna was like "you dated him?" I said "yeah we were engaged for the good part of a year" He, or one of the other three football players was inquiring as to why I didn't get my stuff back yet, and I said he either forgets or hes too lazy. Then of course the what happened talk came bout', and I said "I thought things were going good, then all of a sudden he was just freaking out and saying that it was all a lie, and three weeks later he's already dating" They were just like wow what an asshole.

You seriously don't get how this makes me feel right now. Having men admit that one of their own is a dick is huge for me, it makes me feel like I'm not a piece of trash to shove around, and I deserve to keep a part of myself no matter what I did. If jocky guys thing you are being an asshole... need I say more?

Stereo types aside, these football people really made me learn a lot. I never want them to know it because it seems really weird, but I learned a lot about jocks, or what I thought they were, I learned about myself, and I learned how wonderful theatre can be. When a jock that has no romantic interest in you offers to go to my ex's house and get my stuff it just makes me feel worth something for the first time in a LONG LONG time.

Enemies?

I guess I have a lot of people who hate me. I don't notice probably because I don't care, and I have a lot of other friends that love me. This whole thing came out of an argument with Coti of course, because anything that is negatively said about me can be traced back to him... Do the math. He is all pissed about a warning message I sent to his naive new girlfriend because shes acting just the way I did when Coti and I began our relationship. He's going into this thing with good intentions, but as soon as she starts annoying him, or pushing for the truth in any instance, hes going to treat her like shit and bolt as soon as he can't cover the lies anymore. Poor Andrea will be heartbroken. I don't have the heart to say things like " the only reason he asked you out is to feel less like an asshole, and he knew you would say yes" its true but I'm not that heartless. Poor thing though, she wouldn't believe me, shes going to believe his cowardly way of dealing with his past and making up things that once again make him feel like less of an asshole.
I wouldn't wish my pain from my engagement breaking off on my worst enemy. I can't hear his name without either crying or saying something mean about him. One minute he's saying I love you muffin at every opportunity, the next I'm a mistake and a looser. Andrea doesn't think it will happen to her and neither did I.
Coti needs to get out of my life. I want my apology, my dignity, my shit, and my virginity back. After that I want him gone. He's dating Andrea to piss me off, and he sits around in the office to piss me off. No one wants him in Masque, we don't need him and he does nothing but piss people off. I am done with listening to his lies about what people are saying about me, and I'm sorry we almost had a baby. He should just leave the girls alone, but of course he's too selfish to do that, and grow up and get his life together. I feel bad for Andrea, she doesn't have the confidence to realize his other relationship isn't over until he can be a man and end it to my face, and give him a few months to think about everything. It's better for both of them.

I won't apologize anymore. I do it over and over, and nothing fixes anything. I want an apology. I gave everything to him, and whenever I try to make things better he snaps at me, runs away or tells me lies about what has been said about me.
I want another chance. I want to fix things. I want to want to live.

I am bettering myself. I take my meds now, I go to counciling twice a week, and I have gone on a few dates. I did everything he asked me to do so we could fix things and I feel improved. Thats the last thing I'll say.

A Finely Woven Blanket

I feel a tribal instinct having these football players in my play. First things first, I never got along with the healthy and fit tribe. I do not understand their customs or speak their language, thus relating to them is a great challenge.
Masque, the way I see it is a very well woven blanket. Every thread is delicately placed. Some threads prettier and more important and loved than others, but Masque has to be exact. Adding these Freshman and football tribes is like trying to shove balls of yarn into our thread blanket. THERE ARE BALLS IN MY FACE!
Don't get me wrong, these baby faces Freshman boys, and the eye candy tossed to us from the field are much appreciated. The number of male threads left a hole in our blanket (ok, enough with the blanket shit). Interacting with football players almost destroyed this play for me. The assumption that they would stick together and be those jock stereo types which would then force me to cut them was the main thing.
They speak to me. This shocking fact scares me to the point where I have trouble sleeping. These athletes are not just regular guys, they are the one group of people I am truly afraid of. I spend my days either on my comfy stage or thinking about it. My comfort zone was the one place jock strap clad people feared to tread. Suddenly they invaded in large numbers. Here I stood knees shaking looking at the four boys who stepped over the line and into... Musical Theatre!!!
I accepted them. Those football players took their steps slowly, and did not assume high rank on the Masque totem pole like the Freshman tribe. Truth be told the athlete tribe saved Guys and Dolls. I am still fascinated by their rituals as I am sure mine fascinates them. They try, and its a hell of a lot better than most Masque men who assume greatness... you know who you are.

If I only had friends like this...

I was watching Sunny, and Imagining how amazing it would be to be in Sweet Dee's place on that show. Those guys are like my dream men, all crazy and stupid loosers but they are so damn cool. There has never been a cooler person than the insane looser that people are some how drawn to because of their stupidity. So again, what I was saying was how awesome (a word I use often) it would be to have best friends like those guys. You must have super duper self esteem to have that job, these boys are very insensitive and abusive, but that doesn't turn me off... Oh, to be her...

Energies...

I feel like I'm a bit weird sometimes. I have this thing where I can see and feel peoples energies. I can sense a persons personality straight off, and meeting new people sets my brain in such a tizzy that I hate doing it. Whenever I am forced to meet even three or four people I am exhausted. I heard that some people can sense people's aura's and such, and I don't usually see the color of someones aura, but if I am calm enough and there is a white background I do sense peoples colors.

My color is like an orangey yellow. I am not surprised by this, but would prefer a green... A lime green.

This whole energy thing is a bit of a quack in my opinion, but I can't do anything about it. I have a huge problem with new people joining my friends and I because then I have to adjust and its tiring ok? TIRING! I also hate freshman.

Its Always Sunny when I find a great new show.

It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia. My new favorite television show. Its amazing in one word, and I will be blogging about it often. So amazing in fact, that my first ever post will be about that and only that